The Supershow

It's amazing how one event that has become so iconic to modern American life has also changed so dramatically since its inception. Aside from the tickets costing over ten times the original price and parking spaces going for $1000, the spectacle of it all has launched into the stratosphere, settling somewhere alongside Celebrity Big Brother and 2 Fast 2 Furious. And leave it to Jerry Jones' mammoth golden football calf to host the most recent and most extravagant version of The Big Game. Hell, they even sold tickets to stand outside the stadium. But I guess that beats buying a ticket for a seat you can't sit in, right? Right.

This year's game still maintained most of its tradition and history, however, thanks in part to the two steadfast franchises that competed for the title. The contest itself, in this writer's opinion, was fantastic - football at its finest. It was evenly matched and well-balanced, neither a shootout nor a defensive grind. The players played hard, the hits were big (and clean) and the mistakes were sparse but significant (Green Bay went three-for-three touchdowns per turnovers).

Plus, the headlines of the preceding week were never too annoying, and allowed for everyone to focus on the matchup of 55-ringed steel Goliath (as opposed to a 3-ring, foot-related circus.) vs. the artist formerly known as the Brett Favres (that so desperately needed to make a name for itself). The storylines were set, as was the proverbial stage.

And unfortunately, the actual stage. Whoever thought it would be a great idea to revert back to the Janet Jackson/MTV era of halftime shows must not know the difference between a recording artist and an actual, talented musician. When the best features of your performance are the guest stars, it's clear this year's halftime experiment has failed. It's time we go back to the classy lineup of the past few years, if for no other reason than to avoid saying "oh thank God, it's Usher" ever again.

All in all, it was a good game with excellent teams led by relatively classy players. If next year's matchup is as good as this year's, we'd all find it easier to overlook the terrible, terrible Pepsi Max commercials.

Repent! It's the Ape-ocalypse!

There are some eerie things going on nowadays. I don't know if it's life imitating art, art imitating life, or life striking out on its own just to show that it can, because after all, it's life. But regardless, certain events have had me wondering what apocalypse film we are extras in, because these news stories are pretty much the first five minutes of every one.

The birds. I'm not going to get into it too much because it's old news by now, but ever since taking a Hitchcock class in school, I've been creeped out by a flock of anything. I don't like birds. When they figured out that dinosaurs might've had feathers instead of scales, everyone sighed - but I cross the street when I see a pigeon staring me down. I'm kidding, I still run directly at them, but honestly, could you imagine a turkey vulture the size of a T-Rex knocking down trees as it chases you? Hell, even a turkey turkey that size would be terrifying, but alas, I'm getting off-topic.

The point is, I only heard about the birds in Arkansas and the fish in SomewhereElseTown, and as a typical nothern snob, I figured it had something to do with instant grits and John Deere hats. Then I heard that it wasn't just the south, and it's not just birds. I'ma go read the Bible.

Well the Bible gets really angry at the end and talks about the destruction of all the birds of the sky and the fish of the sea and the beasts of the land, etc. That's a scary thought, but if Catholic school has taught me anything (and it hasn't), it's that God doesn't close a drawer without opening a cabinet. So if we're all going to be washed away in floods, someone is going to have to take over, right?

Then, I stumbled across this very un-Bible-friendly story. As it turns out, there's a family of apes, most notably their father, who walk upright with shoulders back. He is filmed carrying a log like a briefcase as if he's on his way home from selling banana insurance (video below). Aside from imagining what such an insurance company would be like, there's something I'm dying to take away from this - are we evolving again?

Obviously, there's no stopping nature; evolution is constant. But what happens when a species evolves twice? Would it eventually turn out to be like in The Time Machine where there's two parallel species that are both drastically different yet fundamentally the same? I hope not, because if that book were true, we would live in constant fear of our evolutionary step-brothers who would try to drag us underground and eat us. Yikes.

On the other hand, if we all drown and freeze then I guess we have nothing to worry about. What seems more possible, though, is that while our human race might be in the process of mass extinction, another one might be on the verge of a breakthrough. So is a replacement species beginning to evolve just as ours is about to die out? Who knows. All I know is that I might just buy an SUV, a few dozen cases of bottled water, and enough aerosol and unbiodegradable styrofoam to keep me entertained while I wait to find out. Might as well, right? Right.